Wednesday, April 11, 2012

From grey to red and back again

Book: Fifty Shades of Grey

Author: E.L. James

Published: 2011 (Fifty Shades, Ltd—I believe we have our first self-published contender)

Pages: 514

Surely there is a less clunky way to string together good sex scenes.

I think it involves a protagonist who has an actual life and personality, a Dominant who spends more time getting her into his Red Room of Pain (the one brilliant turn of phrase from our resident, you know, English major) than dwelling on the limits contract (sexy!), supporting characters who are there for more than just asking the protagonist about her new mysterious boyfriend, and way less manufactured drama.

Surely there was another reporter on the school paper who would be eager to go interview the famous guy so the editor wouldn’t have to send her inept English major roommate and holy hell, how does the English major and the school paper editor SHARE A LAPTOP? The sheer amount of typing, not to mention the research, dear fuck—

Okay. Sorry. Getting sidetracked. In my defense, the book does too, by having the girl agonize everything to death, no matter what the guy did or said. He was almost as bad, and seriously nobody does anything in here for any real reason, but it all gets to wear it’s going. Eventually. And then in the end SPOILER she walks out, also for no more reason than she’s had the whole time she’s tried this stuff and liked it.
The sex is good. Less…themed than I thought it was going to be, but whatever. It’s hot. I wish they didn’t talk, though. She actually does say “Argh” during sex as an indicator that she's enjoying herself. On separate occasions. Maybe they could adapt this novel (trilogy!) as a mime show.

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